Today in Psychology class I sat down in my usual spot and opened my notes like always and began copying from the board. I learned a couple of things, one of those things being the definition of what I found to be myself: A burnout.
My notes read,
“Burnout- Job-related condition of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion
1.) Emotional exhaustion- fatigued, tense, apathetic (indifferent), feel used up ( I just don’t care anymore, can’t handle it anymore)
2.) Depersonalization- Detachment from others- Treat people as objects
3.) Reduced Personal Accomplishment- Do poor work, feel helpless, angry, self esteem suffers”
All of these things I have been feeling. Who am I, though? When you’ve come so far in your life, and you have come to a point where enough is just enough, you start to question all of the things that continue to happen to you. I think it’s okay to question yourself sometimes. It’s okay to feel helpless and empty and broken. It’s just okay. I can’t sit here and pretend to give a grand pep talk and make it seem like things get better, because yes, sometimes they do. Most likely they do, but it may take awhile. Grieving takes time. Healing takes time. That’s the funny thing about all of this, is that time is just a human made concept. It was designed by humans to put some sort of sense of direction/structure to everything. So what really is this life? If what we know to be our main source of structure isn’t even real? Everything is based off of time. All I know is that right now I feel like a burnout, and I know that that’s okay right now.
I think often times with new artists, or any artist that isn’t very well known, or maybe not known at all, we tend to get caught up in what other people think of our artwork. There comes a point in every artists walk, that they must decided that they are proud of their work. It took me until now, 18, to figure that out. I have been an artist since I was a kid, but just now am I coming around to the idea that I don’t create art to impress people, I create it because it is apart of me, apart of who I am. I cannot function without art, and there have been so many times where I’ve come up short because I decided to stop creating or I lost my will to make art. But, just because it is not in a museum, does not mean it is not art. Don’t be discouraged if your piece wasn’t picked to go on the wall at the art fair. We weren’t designed to impress, we were designed to give, and to show the world apart of it that it can’t see unless someone like you or I comes along and adds a little splash of how we view the world to it. It is so important to remember that we all have insecurities and strife. But, continuing to create when creating is all that you know how to do, will save your life, because it saved mine.
I seem to be constantly followed by this picture. It pops up everywhere on the internet. It looks like the person was happy when they wrote it, but then came back and added the not. It also seems as though the words, “Don’t remind me”, was painted over. When I think of this, the only thing that comes to mind is that the person who wrote this wrote it pretending to be happy, and then had to come to terms with the realization that they weren’t happy. All in all, I just believe that life is what you make it. Sometimes bad things happen, but you always have to overcome them. Strength and persistence and passion don’t come easy. But please make an effort to live a happy life.
The artist is Ernest Zacharevic. He was born in Lithuania and most of his work is set in Malaysia. This is actually a really cool piece of art! The use of 1-dimensional and 3-dimensional objects is incredible and such a unique way to portray something. Not everyone has such an imaginative mind. The expression on the children’s faces really captures pure joy. It’s a nice thing to see, especially if you’re walking down the street and happen to pass by this. I would really like to see it some day!
If you’ve followed this blog since the beginning, even if you are new, you will know (or should know) that I am in love with Banksy’s work. So, here’s another one for you. “If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission”. I find this to be very true. I have spent a majority of my life trying to please everyone. I make it a number one goal of mine to establish a sort of peaceful harmony to all of the people I encounter to make sure that there are no negative vibes. I understand that the key to success is not this. Sometimes you have to push yourself to be what you want, and sometimes that includes making people upset if they don’t agree on something you’re doing. Be wild and spontaneous, set in motion a beginning to change.
If you had told me that in one year from when I started this blog, that everything would be the way it was now, I wouldn’t believe you. Now, you would think that in my eighteen years of living that I would understand that with time everything changes. Fortunately for me I am constantly being reminded of this fantastic prelude into the next chapters of my life. As I start my senior year I begin to see things falling into place. Although, I am still unsure of a few things, actually a lot of things, I understand that everything has a point where it must come together, all I have to do now is wait for that and spend every day thinking of the next. As I walked down the beach with the last few days of summer coming to a close, and the sun melting off into the distance, and a few people I love standing beside me, I came across something that made me stop in my tracks and run. Another truly, mysterious sentence that made me reflect on life. I guess love is really what the people want.
I saw this little beauty on my weekly trip to the beach this past weekend. Just in case you can’t see, it says, “sorry about your wall”. Two of my favorite things, the beach and graffiti. What a time to be alive.